Do you constantly compare yourself to others? Worried if you’re doing motherhood right? Feel a tad bit envious of the mom who has it all put together? As moms, we’ve all been there! But why? Why do we constantly compare ourselves to others and allow mom guilt to haunt us? How can you stop comparing yourself to other moms and embrace the realities of motherhood for good?
Motherhood is a beautiful and sacred journey. But at the same time, it can be so consuming. It can either make us or break us. Many moms struggle silently with mom guilt and comparison. The fear of being judged by other moms or people in their niche. Do you sometimes feel this way as well?
The truth is we all do! Some of us are quick to admit it, while it’s quite difficult for others to do.
Why Do You Compare Yourself To Other Moms
In short, we are humans. It’s our instinct and a habit we have developed over the years.
Is comparing ourselves to others a bad thing?
Comparing ourselves to others can bring about a lot of psychological pain. It can make us feel unworthy, drive us into depression, create hate and make us into something we don’t want to be.
How do you feel when you go to a family reunion and your child is throwing a temper tantrum, and all the other kids are playing nicely? Or, your child cries and screams every time you drop him off at childcare while all the other toddlers merrily chirp into the classroom? What about the mom who makes you feel bad because she’s able to take care of herself while raising strong kids and doesn’t look like a hot mess?
That’s right! You feel less than. You question the job you are doing as a mom. And you feel pain and anguish for not being able to give and be more for your kids. These feelings are real, and that’s what constant comparison does. It steals everything from you!
On the other hand, comparison can also make us grow and become better women and moms. But this can only happen when we choose to learn from that mom. We admire that mom and uses her as a role model – that influences how we want to be as moms. Her skills and practices inspire us to make changes that will improve who we are as mothers. We don’t feel envious of her achievements. We cheer on her wins, and we thrive to be the best and healthiest version of OURSELVES. Not a clone of her. We don’t feel sick to our stomach when we see her in action or question our worth, but rather empowered and motivated.
How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Other Moms
So how can you break the habit of comparison and stop comparing yourself to other moms for good?
As mothers, we will always be crossing paths with other mothers. Whether it’s at a birthday party, the soccer field, parents – teachers meetings, or the grocery shop.
What can we do differently today, so we can stop comparing ourselves to other mothers? As well as, not be judgemental of other moms (which again is a form of comparison)? Like, when you are on the other side of things. And your child is sitting quietly, having dinner when another mom is struggling to control her own. Your ego kicks in and you kinda feel better than her. Sounds familiar?
Here are 10 ways that may help you to stop comparing yourself to other moms.
1. Recognize your strengths and your self-worth
As moms, we compare ourselves to others because of low self-esteem. We forget our strengths and our worth. And spend too much time belittling ourselves while idolizing others.
Take a few minutes and write all your strengths on a sticky note. Remind yourself of these strengths every day. And, if you are unable to identify your strengths. Ask a trusted friend or loved one what they think your strengths are. You will be impressed by what others will say to you.
Continue to build on your strengths because this will strengthen your self-worth. Once you can recognize your self-worth, you will know that you are worthy of being the best mom to your children. You will be able to embrace your authentic self and love YOU for who you are.
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2. Practice self-compassion
Being a woman and a mom comes with a lot of expectations. Our focus as moms should be to love and respect ourselves and value who we are. We should not feel guilty for taking care of ourselves or asking for help. If we don’t take care of ourselves eventually we will become burned out. And when this happens, who will be there to care for your kids and loved ones?
When we can love and honor ourselves we are doing so much service for ourselves and our kids. We become more confident in who we are and what we are doing. We value our many blessings and act from a place of abundance rather than a place of lack. This abundance mindset will inspire you to stop comparing yourself to other moms.
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3. Stop comparing yourself to other moms through affirmations
I love using affirmations!
Affirmations have gotten me through many tough times. It reminds me of who I am and what my desires are – especially when my inner ego is taking over.
Through the use of affirmations, you will be reminding yourself that you are worthy. You are enough and you are deserving to be, have, and do anything your heart desires.
Affirmations will act as a reminder for you every time you are about to compare yourself to another mom. The affirmation will remind you, that you are the perfect mom for your kids and you are doing a great job at being a mom. Because you truly are!
Here are some affirmations to help you stop comparing yourself to other moms:
- I’m an imperfectly perfect mom.
- I am enough for my kids.
- With each passing day, I choose not to yell or get angry with my kids. Instead, I will listen and be present for them.
- Motherhood is a blessing. And I’m so fortunate to be blessed with beautiful kids.
- I am learning to be the best mom.
- I choose not to compare myself to another mom.
- It’s okay to make mistakes as a mom.
- I am showing up in the best possible ways for my kids.
If you are new to affirmations please visit my blog post: Powerful Affirmations For Moms To Navigate Motherhood.
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4. It’s okay to be imperfect
It’s quite an unfortunate thing in today’s culture! But the truth is – you can’t please everyone regardless of how hard you try. There will always be someone with their own opinion. No one is perfect, so don’t get caught up in the crazy cycle of being perfect or trying to be perfect.
What you should be focusing on are consistency and persistency. Focus on being the best possible mom you can ever be to your children. Whether it means putting down the phone and chatting or playing a game with them. Or, maybe just lying next to them in silence. Show up and be present for your kids. Make small changes in your schedule and in your life that will help you to be the mom you truly desire to be. Choose progress over perfection.
5. Stay on the “not comparing yourself to other moms track”
How many times have you set a goal for yourself and were super excited at the beginning but after a while all the enthusiasm died off?
Been there done that, right?! I have as well many times!
When it comes to the comparison game, be in it to win it!
Have patience with yourself and stay persistent. Build and maintain a sustainable practice of not comparing yourself to other moms or being judgemental of other moms. It goes both ways! If you slip up and find yourself comparing that’s okay. Just don’t get sucked into it and become a victim of the comparison game. Pull yourself out of it and take control of your thoughts and emotions and get back on track. Affirmations are great when those icky feelings creep in. It’s ok to have slip-ups – just don’t let it be the end game.
6. Do not allow the guilt cycle to control your life
As moms, we feel guilt for almost everything! I’m sure you would agree with me.
There’s a high possibility that you would be thriving and not comparing yourself for weeks or months. When suddenly you have an outburst. You begin to yell at your kids to get ready for school and the moment you drop them off at school, the guilt kicks in. All the other kids and moms seem so happy. What are they doing, that you are not? And here is where you go back into the rabbit hole of comparison.
When this happens to you, and it will. Let it be what it is temporarily. Do not let the guilt take you over forever. Don’t let the scattered thoughts of you’re not good enough, control you permanently.
Let this be an opportunity where you pivot, where you stop comparing yourself and change your perception – of you’re not a good enough mom to you are human. And we mess up from time to time. The good news is we can always start over.
7. Forgive yourself when you fall victim to the comparison game
When you witness yourself falling victim to the comparison game, take a moment to recognize why you are doing it. What triggers you to compare yourself to another mom? What are the driving factors leading to comparing yourself to another mom? Acknowledge that you are comparing yourself to another mom and forgive yourself. Remind yourself – that you are worthy and choose an affirmation that will help you through this moment.
We have the power to control what we do and what we think. We simply have to make the choice and commit to it.
8. Limit how often you scroll social media
Social media has its pros and cons. It can be used to do so much good, but at the same time, it can do so much harm to us mentally and emotionally. It can break us – when we see our friends, family, and influencers posting beautiful images of their home well organized, going on an all-inclusive family trip, enjoying date night with hubby while the kids have a sleepover at grandma. It’s tough for sure! And super easy to feel jealous.
The good news is. You can choose to either mute, delete or unfollow these accounts because it’s not beneficial to you. You can also choose the option of deleting social media apps from your phone and only have them on your tablet or laptop. Another option will be to dedicate an hour a day for social media, where you will have a quick scroll through to stay up to date with the trends, and then that’s it for the day.
I’m sure you already know this, but I’m still gonna say it. Many times, the life that is shared on social media is not always the life they are living. It is curated. You do you and let others do them.
9. Join a community of like-minded moms
Having a community of like-minded moms and women can be quite therapeutic. You can find a community for anything these days on Facebook. And if there’s not one, you can create one. Because I’m sure – other moms will join in. Find a community where other moms feel the same way and share your emotions with them. You will be amazed at how many great moms are out there, ready and waiting to empower another mom.
And if you’re not already a what mommy wants insider. Make sure to sign up below. I will send you weekly emails either sharing what’s happening here on the blog, my personal life, or words of encouragement that will help you gain clarity and empowerment to embrace your ambitions and the realities of motherhood without guilt and discover secrets to living your best life.
10. Commit to stop comparing yourself as a mom
If you give yourself permission to compare yourself to others then that’s exactly what you will be doing. That’s why it’s super important to commit yourself to STOP comparing YOU to other moms.
When you tell yourself that you will no longer be comparing yourself to other moms, you will notice that you are no longer doing it. It may take some time, but eventually, you will come to know your worth and you will embrace your motherhood journey with open arms while knowing and becoming more of your authentic self.
You can commit to stop comparing yourself to other moms by applying these 10 habits to your everyday life starting today.
Take-Aways
There’s a beautiful saying that the only person you should be comparing yourself to – is to – the person you were yesterday. Everyone has unique gifts, and so do you. It’s okay to admire someone, and learn from them and thrive for similar success, but you do not have to walk in that person’s shoes or be exactly like that person. Live your best life by being true to yourself.
Our life destination is about being true to ourselves. Being more of who we are are and less of what someone else is. Commit to being imperfectly you, rather than perfecting someone else’s life.
It’s so important for us to do what is best for us and not worry about what others are doing.
yes, it is 🙂
As a mom, i can say that I’m guilty of this. Realizing that I’m doing my best and everyone’s kids are different helps me with this.
Absolutely, Ashley.
I loved reading this list of tips and advice. I find myself falling into this comparison trap as a mom. My daughter is highly spirited and active. I bring her to activities and all I see is that all of the other kids listen to their moms while my daughter keeps running away from me and not listening or participating. This has been very hard for me. I recognized this and found that I needed help with finding the right tools to work with my daughter. Getting support has really helped me. I feel that I’m not comparing myself to other moms as much.
Dana, this so resonates with me. My son just turned 5, and he’s no different than your high-energy daughter. We are not experts at parenting, but we are the perfect moms for our kids.
I agree with all of these. We should stop comparing ourselves to others because I am a believer that every mom has their own unique way of parenting their children.
Exactly! We are not perfect, but we do our best for sure.
This is so inspiring! I’ve really had to learn to stop comparing myself and just do the best I can to be there for my kids in my own way.
Thank you, Cyndi! It’s so easy to get caught up with comparison these days but reminding ourselves of our worth is so important.
This is such a great topic. We are humans and comparison is normal, but with these tips it’s so much more helpful.
Thank you, Claudia!
I used to struggle with this a lot more until I found my close group of mom friends. We’re all so similar and their encouragement has helped me love myself more as a mom.
Isn’t it a wonderful feeling when you are surrounded by other mike-minded women?!
Every child is unique. As a mom of 3, I learned how to embrace my children differently. I may not be perfect and occasionally compare them with other kids. But I love them for who they are, their best and worst.
Love this so much! You said it perfectly.
I love this. No one should ever compare themselves.
Thank you, Danielle.
One thing I know is what you hit on – I have to practice self-compassion more. I constantly beat myself up all the time.
This is so hard! I try not to, but then I somehow end up feeling like a failure because I there are things I’m not doing that other parents are. This is a good reminder.
it is so very easy to fall into the comparison trap but remembering it is ok to be me is what keeps me from going too deep into it.. love the list of affirmations.