In today’s blog post, I share eight self-sabotaging traps to avoid so you can go after your dreams – on your terms.
We are often our worst enemy! Not the mom who can stay calm when her son throws a tantrum. Or the mom who can juggle a full-time job, hockey, and soccer practice. Take her toddler to swimming lessons. And she still manages to look elegant every time you see her.
Damn! What is she doing? Or, the better question is how the heck she does it?
You try to convince yourself it’s her when you aimlessly scroll social media. But the truth is she’s not your enemy. You are your worst enemy!
It’s your constant jealousy, insecurity, fixed mindset, anxieties, and guilt that’s holding you back from stepping into the woman you want to be. The woman you can be – once you stop falling victim to the self-sabotaging traps you are falling into.
You’re probably wondering if it’s even possible for you to enjoy half of the success you’ve dreamed of. And the truth is, you can have all of that and even more!
Yes, you can!
And I will tell you how you can. But first, I need you to read this blog post with an open mind and be willing to make the changes I share with you below.
My Story On Falling Victim To Self Sabotaging Traps
You’re probably tired of hearing everyone saying – “I was once you.”
But seriously, It wasn’t too long ago. My biggest critique was myself. Throwing pity parties for myself was what I did best.
I had very little confidence in myself. I found so many excuses for why I couldn’t do something. It sounded like this: –
” I don’t have enough time. I have to cook/clean, look after the kids plus work 9-5.”
” She’s able to be so successful or look well put together because she gets tons of help from her loved ones.” I don’t!
” When I start to make more money, I will do it. Or, invest in it.”
” I can’t commit to it right now. I’m not good enough or bold enough for that role.”
Okay. You got the drift, right?!
Often I would plan to do something, and on the day, fear will take over, and I will come up with some lame excuse and quit.
Are you currently feeding yourself these same lies as well? And quitting before trying?
Why are we constantly lying and self-sabotaging ourselves?
Eight Self-Sabotaging Traps You Fall Into
Let’s begin by understanding what self-sabotaging is.
Self-sabotage is your thoughts and behaviors that keep you stuck and prevent you from doing what you desire to do.
Which we can all relate to in some form or shape. Right?!
Now, let’s dive into eight self-sabotaging traps that may keep you stuck.
1. Self-sabotaging with guilt feelings
As a mom, you probably spend a lot of time feeling guilty.
The guilt of not having enough time to spend with your kids while working long hours and not spending enough time with your partner. You feel shame every time you order fast food for dinner. Or, maybe you feel guilty for not saving more than you would like.
You feel guilt for wanting more out of life, for wanting to pursue a new course or start a home-based business. You feel guilt every time you eat that decadent chocolate fudge cake.
Guilt is one of the easiest ways to sabotage yourself. And that guilt doesn’t come from anyone or anything but YOU.
That’s right! Guilt is self-inflicted.
You feel guilty for wanting to do or liking what you want because you’re afraid you will make others angry or upset once you start.
The idea of disappointing others makes you anxious. So anxious that you decide to quit altogether. And here is where self-sabotaging comes in.
You are saying no to your needs to make your loved ones happy.
Yes! Sometimes you may need to compromise if that’s what’s needed at that particular time. But, you have to avoid the self-sabotaging trap of feeling guilty. Stop pleasing everyone and please yourself.
You’re not a horrible person or, in this case, a mom for putting your needs first. You will still be liked by those you matter to when you say no and stay faithful to your desires.
Gather the courage to let your voice be heard and speak your truth.
Yes! You will feel horrible for disappointing others but taking care of yourself first is imperative in becoming the best and healthiest version of yourself—both as a mom and a woman.
When you feel guilty, choose love over fear. Base your decision on love and give yourself the courage she needs. You can eat that chocolate cake and still feel healthy. Or maybe start that dream biz of yours and still make time for your family. Yes, you can!
2. Thinking and acting from a place of jealousy
The human in us will feel jealous ever so often. It happens to me, and I can bet it happens to you too! And nothing is wrong with you for feeling jealous of others. It’s quite a strong emotion that will always be part of who we are.
The next time you find yourself scrolling through social media and becoming jealous of another mom or your sister. Or whoever triggers your jealousy, I would love for you to take a few minutes and ask yourself – why am I so jealous of that person?
Is it because you would love to be doing what she is doing? Do you want to be wearing the clothes she is wearing? Maybe you want that dream vacation she’s on? Or, perhaps you want the freedom she has?
Be honest with yourself. Why are you jealous of that person?
And you will realize that your jealousy is triggered because you want to be doing and have exactly what that other person is doing/have.
Yes! It’s true. You want it so much that rather than being happy and cheering for that person, you throw some sleazy comment her way. A comment that will not serve you or that person.
So, the next time your jealousy is triggered. Pause and flip that jealousy into inspiration. See that person’s success as empowerment for you to pursue what you want. If she can do it, so can you.
She didn’t get there overnight; she took messy actions and baby footsteps. Stayed consistent and persistent. And if you want this goal as badly as she did. You can do the same. If you don’t, you will fall victim to the self-sabotage trap – jealousy.
3. Given in to fear
“I will do this when I have more time.”
“Money is tight right now, but once I save up, that’s the first thing I will get.”
“Ah. Guess I can do that tomorrow.”
How often do you say these things to yourself? Why do you constantly make excuses in life?
For a long time, I did this. I will be so excited at first when I have to do something or get invited to collab with someone. But on the day off, well, it was a different story.
Of course, I felt terrible about everything. I made an excuse and cancelled. I was then angry and upset with myself. And tried really hard to convince myself that I did the right thing. I was safe. Safe from not humiliating myself or failing at something I was so excited about.
But either way, I failed because I didn’t pursue it. Why?
Fear of the unknown! A self-sabotaging trap that tricks you into not going after what you want in life.
You got one life to live, my friend. Live it to your fullest. Do the things that fulfill you even when it’s scary. Take those scary steps. Because on the other side of those scary steps may lie your dream.
Don’t give in to fear. Because when you do. You will never know what the outcomes could have been.
4. Self-doubts keep you playing small
“I’m not good enough.” I can’t do it! It’s easy for her because she hasn’t gone through what I have.”
“I can’t be a mom and run a successful business.”
Yes, you are enough, and you can do it! And you deserve to be a mom and run your dream business or work from home.
You can do it!
I know it sounds cheesy. But your mindset is everything!
The more you believe that it’s possible, you will succeed at it. Start believing in your ability and go after your dreams.
The roads ahead may not always be easy. You’re a strong mama who can do anything she puts her mind to do.
I believe in you, and so do you.
Step into that version of yourself and begin acting like her. Feel into her, embodying her traits. Make decisions that the next best version of yourself will make.
5. Constantly making excuses
We touch on this in many of the points above. But your excuses are self-sabotaging you from reaching your full potential.
Excuses become real when you allow them to. Find ways to work around your hurdles and make time to do that thing that lights you up.
Don’t self-sabotage yourself with excuses that you can’t because you don’t have a nanny, a supportive spouse, or unlimited money.
Those are just excuses to keep you stuck. To keep you from growing and stepping into the woman you dream of being. Don’t fall into the self-sabotage trap of your excuses.
Flip all those excuses into – Yes. I can, and I will go after my dreams.
You can be a mother and still have time to pursue your dreams. Still have time to pick the kids up from school or create some flexibility that works best for you and your family.
6. Wondering what others would think of you
You’ve been putting it off because you’re afraid no one will understand what you are doing or will criticize you for choosing this path.
I have been there! I avoided posting about my blog and showing up on social media for fear of being judged for a really long time.
It was only until I realized that not showing up was a disservice to myself and the thousands of moms who needed to see and hear my messages.
I found the courage to be bold and stand in my truth by eliminating the toxicity around me, and so can you.
Remember that those critical of you are dealing with their own fear and personal issues, which are keeping them stuck. And, of course, they have way too much time to focus on your life.
Related post on toxicity:
7. The self-sabotaging trap of being seen as a fraud
I can’t do this because too many are doing it.”
“I’ve always wanted to do that but was so busy, I never started. Now, my sister is doing it.”
“The market is saturated! I’ll look like a copycat.”
Sound familiar? Bet you!
The last time I checked, there were over 7.7 billion people in the world. So even if a million people are doing what you want to do. There is still room for you to serve others.
Stop falling victim to the self-sabotage trap of excuses, step into the light you are, and go after your dreams. There’s enough to go around for everyone.
Be your authentic self and share your message the way that feels right for you, and you will stand out from others. There’s no need to feel like a copycat even if your message sounds familiar to someone else’s message.
Let them be your guide and inspiration since they have already paved the path for you. So flip the thought that you’re going to come across as inauthentic to you have so many people to inspire you while pursuing what you want in life.
Another reason you may think you are a fraud is that you are not knowledgeable enough. Listen, my friend, many are less qualified than you, and they are crushing it.
You do not need credentials to pursue your dreams. What you need is the right mindset. You can be everything you are. Commit to doing and believing in what you want.
8. Using money and time as excuses
Remember when I shared my story on how I fell victim to self-sabotaging traps at the beginning of this post?! I constantly used time and money as excuses for not pursuing my desires. Are you doing the same?
Put things off because you can’t invest in school or an online program? Too busy looking after everyone and is overwhelmed with not having time to do anything for yourself.
As humans, we use not having enough time and money to validate why we are not pivoting forward in life.
And there is where you are keeping yourself stuck. Time and money should not be an excuse why you can’t do something.
There are endless free programs and courses available to you that you can use to get started on your dream project. Free courses that are worth every ounce of your time and energy as if you had paid for it.
Maybe you have the mindset if it’s free, it’s not worth it. Flip that thought and believe that you can learn from free programs. I have done numerous free webinars and training before investing in other programs.
Yes, many free training often sells a premium course at the end. But you are not obligated to invest in them if you don’t have the finances readily available or are not in alignment with the program.
Udemy is a great place to start if you look for free programs in a specific niche.
Wake up 30 minutes before your kids and work on your dreams every day.
And by now, I probably sound like a broken record. But I know you can do it! I believe in you. Now is time for you to believe in yourself.
Flip that thought that time and money are holding you back. To, your growth is inevitable! Make the time to do what you want.
If you put in the work, you will get the results.
Avoiding these eight self-sabotaging traps
When you avoid self-sabotaging traps, you fall into alignment with your truth. You begin to pursue your dreams on your terms. And recognizes that you can be everything that you are. A mom, daughter, wife, friend, and leader…
Flip the constant guilt and become the unapologetic version of yourself. Say no to fear, excuses and critics. And yes, to everything your heart desires. You deserve it!
What’s something you’ve been putting off for the longest while. And why have you done so?