So you’ve been struggling with your identity since becoming a mom! You are unsure about this new version of yourself. You have this burning desire to be more than just a mom. But how? How do you find your identity after becoming a mom?
How To Find Your Identity After Becoming A Mom
Not sure where to start. Afraid of speaking out and asking for help because your mind constantly reminds you – that you will be judged.
The isolation is getting worst. You feel the need to be around adults but at the same time have little desire to put into making friends and or getting out of the house.
You feel awful about your appearance – dark circles under your eyes, can’t fit into your favorite jeans. Your hair is always tangled – hello, mom bun!
And then there are the moms who you envy so much because you can’t keep up with them. Or have a conversation without feeling like a total fake!
Did you know those feelings are natural for so many moms who have forgotten to take care of themselves?
You see, we have been brainwashed into thinking that we must sacrifice ourselves to be the best mom for our kids.
But here is the thing! When we go into burnout and neglect ourselves. Our kids lose out!
We, as moms, lose out!
We lose out on growing together with our kids and spending quality time with our loved ones. Sending messages to our children that it’s okay to put others before ourselves.
Do you want your children growing up feeling the way you are feeling today? Would you like for your daughters to sacrifice themselves for their families?
I bet you wouldn’t!
You would want her to know her worth. To be the light that she is! The woman she was born to be.
You would want her to embrace her true calling and live a fulfilling life—a life where she feels free and liberated.
Suppose no one has told you this lately! I want to remind you that you are worthy of being a mom and everything else you are. And yes! You are deserving of it as well.
And, yes! You can have the best of both worlds. You can be a full-time mom and live a purposeful life.
For a long time, I convinced myself that I couldn’t have the best of both worlds.
Now, I know that is anything but the truth.
After reading this blog post, I hope you can draw that same conclusion as I did. And finally, step into the mom and woman you were meant to be.
Let’s dive in!
11 Ways To Find Your Identity After Motherhood
1. Find your identity after becoming a mom through awareness
Awareness is necessary to make changes in life.
Reading this post means that you have recognized that you no longer feel fulfilled. You’ve lost some of your freedom – whether that’s with your career, hanging out with friends, or sleeping in on the weekends.
Become aware of where you are right now in life and where you would like to be as a woman. What habitual changes can you do today to create that version of you – you desire to be?
Grab your journal or open a tab on your phone/laptop and write your answers. Be specific and go deep by asking yourself why at the end of your answers.
Please don’t bypass this exercise. Journaling is one of the best ways to tap into your subconscious.
Bringing awareness to your emotions will help you understand why you feel lost and unfulfilled. It will clarify what you are looking for or were hoping for in motherhood.
2. Embrace this new season of life
We all have seasons in life. And with every season comes a new identity. Are you ready to embrace this new identity you are given in this season of your life?
Go ahead and use this question as another journaling prompt.
Motherhood is such a sacred journey in life. It’s a journey that not everyone is given the privilege to have. You’re fortunate to be in this season in life. Acknowledge it and find ways to accept becoming a mom.
You may indeed have to give up some things. But let me remind you that being a mom doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice everything you are.
You can be a mom and still follow your dreams. Find a balance that allows you to enjoy the best of both worlds.
Write out how you want to feel as a mom and how you want to feel like a woman and step into that version of her.
3. Get outside and soak in nature/move your body
Science has proven the benefits of going for walks and getting out into nature time after time.
I know you probably dread getting yourself and your baby dressed (especially if it’s the winter months), Pulling the stroller out, packing diaper paper, and everything that goes with having a little one.
But it’s so important to get outside and “bath” in nature. Soaking in the beauty of the evergreen trees, birds chirping, leaves rustling—the sight of butterflies and the birds flying freely.
Set an intention to get outside every day. It’s so good for your mental health. And on days where you can’t get out of the house.
Turn your favorite sound on, and dance like no one is watching. Be free, be you!
4. Rediscover your childhood passions
What did you love doing as a child? What would you do right now if money and time were not a consideration?
Think back to that time when you feel free. Where do things come effortlessly to you?
Tap into your creativity, whether writing, drawing, cooking, or baking. Commit to spending at least fifteen minutes a day doing something you love.
And if in this season of your life you want to sit and browse social media, look at your favorite shows. That’s okay too. But recognize what type of shows you are drawn to. Who are you following on social media? Why do you follow these influencers on social media? What triggers you on social media and why?
When you are scrolling, something triggers you on social media. You know, you feel a little jealous or think she’s being a bit “full of herself.” Stop and ask yourself why. Why are you experiencing this emotion? And be honest with yourself because there’s a high possibility you want that to be your life.
So, right then and there, flip that comparison and envy to inspiration and ask yourself what you can do right now so you can allow that to be the next stage in your life.
I know it probably sounds a bit crazy but the next time you are strolling on social media, pay attention to the emotions that come up for you.
Then tag me on Instagram sharing your takeaways @whatmommy_wants.
5. Find your identity after becoming a mom by filling your cup first
Often we feel frustrated and overwhelmed because we prioritize everyone’s needs but ours.
I did this several years after becoming a mom. As a consequence, I lost myself. I had no philosophy in life. Self-care was foreign to me. And as you would expect, I had lost all my confidence, which wasn’t good for my kids or me.
When you commit to filling your cup first and prioritizing your needs, you will feel more fulfilled, which will allow you to feel more fulfilled as a mom. You will be able to show up for both yourself and your kids at your best. And you will enjoy life so much more!
Related posts on self-care:
6. Set daily intentions for yourself
This is such a great “tool” for finding your identity after becoming a mom.
As you wake in the morning. Take a few minutes to set an intention for yourself and your day. The intention you set for yourself and your day will determine how your day goes.
- How do you want to feel today?
- Why do you want to feel this way?
- What will make you feel like this today?
- What actions can you take today to make sure you feel this way?
- Who would you like to help today?
- How can you be of service today?
- Who can you help today?
- What would you like to do today?
As you set your intention for yourself and your day. Take that same energy with you into your day. Believe that you can have this kind of day. And step into your day as if it’s already happening.
7. Find your identity after becoming a mom by setting boundaries
When it comes to finding your identity after becoming a mom, you need to set boundaries. Both with yourself and those around you.
Often when you become a mom, and more so a stay-at-home-mom, everyone expects you to be there when they need you. You are in charge of planning the family dinners BBQ, cleaning up after everyone and the house, and raising funds for the school. And so forth.
Don’t be afraid to speak up. And let others know your worth. If your schedule doesn’t permit or you don’t feel like doing something. Don’t be scared to say no.
On the other hand, if you require something and need help – don’t feel afraid to ask for help.
Similarly, don’t sacrifice yourself and do without something you need for yourself. Because these same sacrifices will make you feel inferior to others, make you feel trapped in motherhood. Rather than enjoy the sacred journey that it is.
8. Cultivate self-love
Self-love is not a cliché! Even though it is plaster all over the internet. Many moms are still not giving themselves the love they deserve.
You are worthy of more love than you could ever imagine. Be impeccable with your words when speaking to yourself.
Speak to yourself the same way you will to friends or loved ones. Please make time to give yourself the self-care she needs. Again this goes back to filling your cup first and taking care of yourself first. It’s essential to find your identity after becoming a mom.
9. Find your identity after becoming a mom through personal development
Your growth is inevitable! You are never too old to learn something new. It’s also an ongoing process.
Commit to learning and growing and becoming the best version of yourself every day of your life. There are thousands of resources out there that can support you on your growth journey. Find them and use them religiously.
You being here shows that you are already committing to your growth. Now, keep the momentum!
Subscribe to blogs and podcasts. Read books. Sign up for a free program that resonates with you. You can learn something new at Udemy for free or at a meager cost.
Your growth journey will look different from mine or another mom’s because we are all in different seasons of life. But what I do know is investing in yourself will pivot you to becoming the woman you desire to be.
10. Don’t let others define who you are
Many love giving advice! Especially when we don’t ask for them.
Sometimes this advice can be interpreted wrong. As a result, we can overreact or feel inferior.
Whenever you receive unsolicited advice that makes you feel crappy. Let it go! Or, you can do like me, and from the moment you sense someone is coming in with unsolicited advice, “zone” them off.
I know it’s easier said than done. But through practice, you will perfect it! It will become second nature to you.
So when your parents, in-laws, neighbors, best friend, the random cashier share their opinions with you – say thank you and take it with a grain of salt.
This attitude will allow you to save your sanity.
11. Communicate how you are feeling with someone close to you
Let it out! Share how you feel with someone who loves you dearly and who you trust. Maybe that person is your significant other or your mom.
Whoever that person is, find them and let them in. Maybe they will give you some guidance and lead you to the path where you can find your identity other than a mom.
How did I find my identity after becoming a mom?
As I mentioned, we all have seasons in life. Some seasons are better than others. But every season of life teaches valuable lessons. Lessons that help us grow as mothers and women.
Finding my identity as a mom did take a few years, mostly because I wasn’t aware that I could be someone other than a mom. I thought that taking care of myself and prioritizing my needs were selfish. Which I now know is far from the truth.
So to recap, here are eleven ways you can find your identity after becoming a mom:
- through awareness.
- Embrace this new season of life you are in
- Get outside and soak in nature/move your body.
- Rediscover your childhood passions.
- Fill your cup first through self-care.
- Set daily intentions for yourself.
- Set boundaries with yourself and others.
- Cultivate self-love.
- Don’t let others define who you are.
- Communicate with someone you trust.
What are your favorite ways to find your identity after becoming a mom?