Do you sometimes wonder how the heck she’s so confident? Are you trying really hard to be the most confident version of yourself but keep failing at it? Why can’t you master being confident? In today’s blog post, I share some everyday habits that are killing your confidence.
Habits once ditch will allow you to thrive and become the most confident women you ever know!
Many of us believe that confidence is something we are born with! But, it’s not!
Some girls may have had strong, powerful women in their lives who may have nurtured them into being that outgoing and vibrant person she’s today. Many of us probably didn’t have that kind of influence growing up.
We were probably taught:
- little girls must be seen and not heard
- mind your manners you’re a young lady
- you’re too bossy
or some variation of those. These beliefs are probably responsible for the introvert we’ve become. The woman, who avoids spotlights easily and shies away from almost everything in her life. Always comparing herself to others – feeling helpless and unworthy.
As an introvert, we continue to build on self-sabotaging habits that are limiting our growth. And holding us back from becoming the best version of ourselves.
So, what are these self-sabotaging habits that we continue to be victims of every day of our life? What everyday habits are killing our confidence?
Here are 10 everyday habits that are killing your confidence. And habits that you should STOP doing immediately so you can step out from that cocoon of yours and show up as the most confident woman you’ve ever known.
Everyday Habits That Are Killing Your Confidence
1. Comparison is killing your confidence
How often do you compare yourself to others? Feel like everyone is doing so much better than you? Why can’t you just accelerate and be like everyone else?
I know those exact feelings pretty well! Because I felt a victim of the comparison game way too many times than I would like to admit.
And whenever I did, I would always felt like a failure.
Why?
Well, everyone was ahead of me – they were climbing the ladder faster than I was. The thing I wasn’t paying attention to was maybe – their middle was my beginning. Chances are they were probably only 3-6 months ahead of me.
Yes, they were probably some who started together with me and thrive faster, but that’s okay because we grow at our own pace.
It’s never fair to compare yourself to others – because you really don’t know their stories. You are only seeing things the way they want you to.
As Theodore Roosevelt rightfully said, “Comparison is the theft of joy.”
Comparison is also one of those everyday habits that are killing your confidence. Because when you compare yourself to others – you begin to feel less than you are. You feel unworthy. And your goals in life seem far-fetched.
Now, it’s ok to admire someone and the things they have achieved in life. Be happy for them and celebrate their success like it’s your own but don’t let your ego get in the way and allow you to become a victim of the comparison game.
2. Allowing someone else to determine your future will kill your confidence
Don’t allow anyone to determine your future.
I get it, sometimes you may feel like you need advice from your parents/spouse/best friend. But not everything they say will align with your truth. You know yourself better than everyone else. Look deep within you and follow your dreams. Pursue what you want in life and go after it. Even if no one else gets you. It’s your life, your dreams. So go out there and live your life to its fullest.
3. Waiting for the right time
When is really the right time? Seriously, ask yourself this question and journal about it!
Chances are every day you are telling yourself that you will do it tomorrow or next week but then tomorrow comes and you never really get it done. What’s the deal there? What’s holding you back from not doing it today?
Is it perfectionism or is it fear? Or, is it a lack of confidence in yourself and what you are doing?
The goal is to get started with whatever you want to do. Take the messy actions, show up and get the task done. Learn through trial and error. But do not wait for the right time because in my opinion there’s no right time.
4. Having a fixed mindset will destroy your confidence
Do you have a fixed mindset or a growth mindset?
Having a fixed mindset will lead you to play small, feel unworthy, undeserving, and like you are not enough. It will lead you to fall victim to the comparison game which, will only lower your self estem.
On the other hand, having a growth mindset will motivate you to keep evolving, learning, and growing. A growth mindset will boost your confidence and open a whole new path to living a deeper and more meaningful life!
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5. Failing to set boundaries will lower your confidence
When we are unable to set boundaries with ourselves and others, we become doormats. People will take us for granted, have little to no respect for us. Heck, you won’t have any respect for yourself. And, what do you think will happen to you when you lack respect for yourself?
That’s right! You will be killing your confidence.
Boost your confidence by setting boundaries for yourself. Here’s one of my favorite quotes from Warren Buffet.
The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.
Warren Buffet
6. Social media binging is killing your confidence
How much time do you spend on social media every day? 30 minutes, an hour/two hours…?
What are some moods you experience as you scroll through friends, family, and influencer posts? Do you sometimes feel less, maybe even a tab bit jealous? It’s ok to say yes!
At one point or the other, we’ve all been there. While there are some pros to using social media there’s a whole lot of cons. Binging social media is one of those everyday habits that are killing your confidence because you are consuming way too much time absorbing what’s taking place in someone else’s life.
Do not binge social media throughout your day. Instead, pick a time that fits your schedule and pencil in time for social media.
7. Stop having negative conversations with yourself
Life is so hard! It’s too risky. After laughter comes sorrow.
How often do you say these things to yourself or some variations of them? We need to stop talking negatively to ourselves. If you believe life is hard. Guess what? It will be for you.
Become aware of all the negative things you say to yourself. Identify your limiting patterns and permit yourself to stop. Reframe all these limiting patterns of yours with positive ones.
Affirm things like.
- My life is so beautiful, and with each passing day, it gets better.
- Being happy is my birthright.
- Taking risks will help me overcome my fears.
Related post:
- How to take care of yourself as a mom
- Self-discovery journaling prompts for moms
- Powerful affirmations for moms to navigate motherhood
8. Over compromising
Over compromising is selling ourselves too short. And paving the way for disappointment and regrets. When you over compromise, you are depleting your energies and as a result, will not focus on what you want. This will result in you feeling overwhelmed. Feeling like an underachiever.
To take care of others, we must take care of ourselves first. We have to fill our cups first before looking and serving others.
You can’t pour from an empty cup. – Norm Kelly
9. Setting unrealistic goals for yourself
Too often, we set goals that are too far-fetched and broad. Goals that need a lot more time to accomplish. When we are unable to achieve these goals, we feel like a failure. We call the quits. And then we move on to another adventure and do the same thing all over. This constant quitting attitude makes us feel not good enough. It pushes us to judge ourselves and when we begin judging ourselves – we pave room for others to do the same.
When setting goals for yourself be as specific as you can. And set achievable goals within a reasonable time frame.
10. Caring too much about what others think of you will kill your confidence
Did this one hit home? 🙂
I remember there was a time where I cared about what everyone thought of me. Their words bore my skin. I would spend so much time reflecting on what he/she/ they thought of me that I would have little time to focus on myself.
Regardless of who you are and what you do. Everyone is entitled to their opinions. The same way you are entitled to yours.
Don’t let what others think or say of you stop you from being you. Don’t overthink things or situations. Let it go. Be you and live your best life. You are worthy of so much in life. Don’t let anyone steal your joy. Simply take what they say with a grain of salt.
Confidence is not a trait we are born with. It’s either taught to us at a young age or something we eventually master along the way. And yes, you got what it takes to master your confidence and shine like the bright light you are.
Before you go, let me know in the comment below which one of these everyday habits are killing your confidence. And, which one of these habits you are going to improve on this week?
These are excellent tips that we all need reminders about! Thank you so much!
You’re welcome! I’m so happy you enjoyed reading these tips, Dr. Fishman.
I’m definitely guilty of a few of these. I’m working on my confidence though.
Aren’t we only guilty of these one way or the other? The most important thing is you are choosing to work on them.
I have struggled with all of these at some point in my life. The one thing that I can’t seem to overcome is the first point: Comparison. No matter how much I know to avoid this thinking, I still fall into the comparison trap. I have to keep telling myself that I am unique in my own way and no one in the world can be me or have my exact experience.
Oh, Dana. Comparison can keep us stuck. And for a very long time, I compared myself to others almost every day. It was killing me. And yes, sometimes I still have those days which is okay. I just remind myself that I’m committed to not comparing myself to others. You got this girl!
This was fantastic! I am the person who cares what others think…I need to work on that. Thanks for the inspiration! ???
You’re absolutely welcome, Ceci!
All wonderful points, totally agree on all of them. They can all put an end to your confidence. Some simple things like constantly thinking what others think of you can negatively affect one in a long way.
Thank you, Nisha. It’s the culture we are living in these days. You just have to remind yourself that everyone has an opinion these days. But you don’t have to let that control who you are.
These are AMAZING reminders not just for myself but for me as a mother, trying to help my children grow up happy and confident, without being bullied or bullying others. It’s a struggle but we can do this!
Yes! Heather, we can all do it while raising strong, confident kids.
I feel like the more we normalize the need for confidence in young children, the better their futures will be. It’s amazing how many young teens lack self-esteem and are constantly being a target to the media and its trends.
I love the comparison is killing confidence. It’s so true! I keep that in mind often.
Sooooo true. And it’s so easy to get caught up in it. I love that you always keep that in mind.
I know I am guilty of at least a couple of these at times, especially waiting for that right moment or right whatever.. and yes, it can undermine your confidence easily..
It sure does! At least we are able to identify our weaknesses and gradually improve on them.
I hadn’t ever thought about scrolling social media and how it may be what is affecting my confidence level but yes you are completely right!
Social media makes it quite difficult to see what’s really happening in other people’s life which is so harmful when we compare ourselves to them.
I’ve struggled with a lot of this myself and need to work on a few of these habits!