Wouldn’t it be nice to not yell at your kids every second then have to deal with feeling guilty? Wouldn’t it be nice to handle temper tantrums calmly? Is that even a thing? You’ve probably had these thoughts before. Right? What does becoming a calm mom means to you?
Becoming a calm mom to me means handling situations in a manner that doesn’t leave me feeling remorseful and wishing I had done things differently. But instead makes me feel good. It leaves my child feeling loved and safe.
These are the values I want for myself when it comes to raising my kids.
Is it always this simple as it sounds?
Maybe not!
So what’re the secrets to becoming a calm mom?
By no means I’m an expert at this parenting thing. I still have days when I need to remind myself of my values and the aspirations I have for myself as a mom.
But, over my 8+ years of being a mom, I have learned a few things on the way on how to stay calm during tough moments with a stubborn toddler. And build a strong family unit for my kids.
Here are 10 effective ways to become a calm mom.
10 Effective Ways To Become A Calm Mom
1. Accept that things don’t always have to be YOUR way
Because we are adults, we believe we should always get what we want. Don’t we all feel this way one way or the other?
When your child is determined to have things their way, your ego tells you to take charge. You want to remind your child that you are in control. So what do you do?
Chances are you scream, say something inappropriate, or maybe scold them sending them to their rooms.
I know this first hand because I have done it in the past.
Instead of getting into a massive fight and upsetting everyone in the environment. I have started asking my child to share his reasons with me as to why he prefers to do X when mommy wants him to do Y.
I give him my attention and listen to him. Eventually, we both will have an agreement without fighting, resulting in both of us staying happy.
Taking that few minutes to understand why your child wants something is not allowing them to control you or “spoiling” them. But rather allowing them to be heard.
When we give our children an opportunity to be heard. As parents, we are raising strong and confident kids. Don’t you want to raise strong, confident kids?
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2. Become a calm mom by pausing before responding
Take a few minutes to pause before reacting to any negative situations.
In the past, I recalled reacting to situations immediately. This results in cries, yelling, and rather toxic energy. Energies I don’t want my kids to get from me. I don’t want my kids to go to bed thinking mommy didn’t love them or all mommy does is yell at me.
Like many of you, I want my kids to know and feel loved and secure every minute of their life.
Whenever there’s a situation that triggers me. I pause for a few minutes, letting it play out in my head. Think through what I want to say and how I want to respond to it before reacting.
This method has helped me to stay calm and sane more times than I can count.
3. Being a good listener will support you in becoming a calm mom
Yes! It will. It is crucial if you want to become a calm mom.
Really listening to your child and letting them be heard is one of the biggest gifts you can give yourself and your child
I’m consistently working on this!
As a mom, we believe we need to jump in and always provide our two cents to our kids. It’s our motherly duty!
But taking the time to truly listen to what our kids say will help us support them in many ways. It helps us to be more empathetic and better negotiators with our kids.
Your child will reveal more and more when we pause and allow them to talk. You will feel so much more connected to your child. This connection will keep you in alignment.
4. Identify what triggers you to feel angry
Identifying why you got angry may support you in staying calm in similar reoccurring events.
Sometimes it’s not as easy to pinpoint. As it could have stemmed from a variety of situations.
For instance, maybe you just got off the phone with your spouse, and he’s going to be late, or you just had an argument with your mom or the in-laws. Maybe it’s financially related.
You’re so annoyed that you begin to transfer this energy onto your kids when they innocently approach you for a snack or to ask a question. Maybe the game you had allowed them to play before you got the news is now annoying you, and you want them to stop.
In another instance, you may be trying to get some work done or are scrolling social media or on the phone with a friend. Your child interrupts, and you get angry.
Identifying what triggers you and working your way through them will support you in becoming a calm mom.
5. Stay calm through breathing
I have always said it. And will say it again and again. Motherhood is a beautiful and sacred journey. But, it’s not always rainbows and unicorns.
Some days are messier than others. It comes with the territory.
On messy days, remember to breathe.
Pause and breathe intentionally for a few minutes when you feel the urge to yell.
I learned this beautiful grounding practice from Gabby Berstein. Anytime I feel overwhelmed. I repeat the mantra – peace be with me. I use my fingers and say the words. Index finger to thumb would be peace. Middle finger to thumb is – be. Ringer finger to thumb is with, and pinkie to thumb is me.
This is such a powerful mindfulness practice. One I believe every mom should have in their toolbox.
Repeat the words peace be with me whenever you have that intense urge to yell or react in a manner that you would later regret. You will notice how easily and quickly you can release your unwanted emotions and replace them with serenity.
6. Wake up before your kids
It’s so easy to hit snooze. But in becoming a calm mom. You just can’t.
Rest is absolutely important in caring for ourselves. This means if we are aiming to wake up a bit earlier than our kids. We must hit up our bed earlier.
Waking up before your kids – gives you sufficient time for yourself before the chaos begins. The house is usually quiet when everyone is asleep.
You can use this time to sit and enjoy your morning coffee, look at the sunrise, and read your favorite book. Whatever is up your alley. You can do it during this time. But let it be YOUR TIME.
7. A daily flip-calendar
You’re probably wondering what a daily flip-calendar has to do with you becoming a calm mom.
But, this has helped me as a mom and an entrepreneur and my personal growth journey.
Every year I purchase a desktop motivational calendar which I use for my daily dose of inspiration. It provides me with a positive quote, affirmation, or reminder every day, which I use as an intention for my day.
This intentional allows me to be mindful of my thoughts and my actions which goes a long way with helping me stay calm as a mom.
You can leave this calendar on your kitchen counter if you don’t have a designated office desk. And every morning as you wake and have your morning coffee, be inspired with words of wisdom. It is such a beautiful way to start your day!
8. Without self-care, you won’t stay calm
Self-care and personal growth are essential in becoming “whatever” the next best version of you looks like.
The best way to predict the next version of you. The version you truly desire to be. Is to create it.
As moms, let’s set a good example for our children by caring for ourselves. Mentally, physically and emotionally.
To become the calm mom, you desire to be; I urge you to do more of what you love and what makes you feel great.
When you feel good and align, you automatically find yourself in a state of bliss.
Whatever self-care looks like for you. Make the time for it!
If you’re unsure what self-care may look like for you, here are some ideas that tend to hit the sweet spot for most moms.
- Declutter and reorganize your space
- Go for a walk outdoors
- Listen to a podcast that’s in alignment with you
- Express gratification
- Dance
- Drink more water
- Read
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9. Make time for rest and relaxation
As mamas, we all need a little R & R ever so often. Yet, we place little emphasis on resting.
When we are tired, we become grumpy and can be easily aggravated. We need to take care of ourselves. Failing to look after ourselves as moms will make us burn out.
When we are burned out – who will take care of our family, our kids? Have you stopped and thought about this before? Take care of yourself by getting rest. Visiting your doctor. Take care of yourself, and you will fall into a natural state of being calmer.
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10. Remove the chitter-chatter in the background
This is something I have been working on and will continue to.
We often become angry with ourselves and our kids because we fear being judged by others.
For instance, you go to a store, and you have to be constantly repeating to your toddler – ” you can’t have that today.” He begins crying, and you feel all fluttered because everyone is looking at you.
OMG, what are these people going to think about my parenting skills? This is so embarrassing! I can’t do this anymore!
All these thoughts are rushing through your mind. You squeeze your child’s hand tightly. You give him the eyes. But it’s not working!
We’ve all been there! As moms, we’ve all shared similar experiences. Don’t give in to those chitter chats and the urge to impress others.
Feel the feelings, mama! You’re not alone.
Be prepared for these situations and have a plan that you can easily throw in place for these situations.
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11. Make time for your kids
Create a schedule that allows you to be present for your kids. Kids thrive so much better when we are present with them.
Block time every day and dedicate it to your kids. No phones, no tablets, no TVs. Just you and your kids. Play and goof around with them. Enjoy your motherhood journey. Your kids will grow up quickly, so give them the most time possible.
Being present with your kids will support your child in every area of their life. And, you will feel good knowing that you are making time for them.
12. Forgiveness
We are humans! Which means we will make mistakes.
You can either let these mistakes ruin your life or choose to learn from them and allow them to be a stepping stone in helping you achieve the secrets to living your best life.
So what is it going to be? Let me know in the comments below.
Forgive yourself when you feel like you’ve failed your kids. Forgive yourself when you handle situations in ways you wish you hadn’t. Be kind and compassionate to yourself. Accept your mistakes and learn from them.
Be resilient. Keep trying and trying and trying, and you will reach that state of blissfulness in becoming a calm mom.
Tell me in the comments how you’ve been staying calm as a mom and which of these tips you liked the most.
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